I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
