My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
