Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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