Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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