I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Damn victory sex feels great
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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