I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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