i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
