I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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