my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
