I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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