i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
