I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
