please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
