I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
