need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
