I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
