Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
