dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize