There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
