If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
