I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
