Are we in a gay sports bar?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh god it's open bar.
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