Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
