I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
