Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
