Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
