her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
