The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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