It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Less talking, more tequila
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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