i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
