Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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