I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
