Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
