apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
