Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
