My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I just sharted jello shots
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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