i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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