then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
