Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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