Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
