Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
