a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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