I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
