ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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