I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
