I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
