He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
