But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
