He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
