i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
