a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
