Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
