i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
