im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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