Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Randomize
