Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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