Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
