Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
