home. puking in laundry basket.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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