My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can I color on your dick again?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
