hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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