I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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