SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
