Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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