I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize